It's kind of hard to describe what I'm going through. I mean, I look healthy, I'm able to drive, walk, eat, ect. I don't have any visible wounds. There aren't any staples holding my body together. I don't have a cast, band-aid, or visible scars. But what I do still have is pain. Today it is coming in waves, about every couple of minutes, in the center of my anus. It's an intense burning that will last for 5-10 seconds, then disappear. Then two minutes later it happens again. No poop needs to come out though. This morning I spent the better part of 3 hours in the bathroom. I would poop, the pain would spike to a 5 or 6, stay with me for a few minutes, then drop to a 1 or 2. When ever I would try and stand, I'd have the urge to poop again, and the cycle would repeat, with the pain getting a little more intense each time.
When I try and sit at a chair, I can't sit normally. I favor my left side, or completely lay on my left side with my legs tucked under me. I can't have any pressure on my anus, or I get the urge to poop, and the pain cycle begins again.
So right now I've been in some sort of pain, besides sleeping, since yesterday about 5. Almost 24 hours. I'm pretty angry that today was such a wasted day, full of pain and time in the bathroom. Even writing this I'm in pain trying to sit here and watch Sarabeth at karate. The throbbing, burning pain in my ass just won't leave. Maybe for 20 or 30 seconds, but then it's back. I guess it reminds me of having the flu. You don't feel well, and you know you are going to throw up, and you know you will feel a little better after you throw up, but you don't really want to. You are tethered to a bathroom, and aren't really sure when you will throw up. I feel kinda like that. For the last 18 months.
Chronic pain sucks.
No comments:
Post a Comment